The 5 letter Word

doubtI am currently writing the third and possibly the final installment to the Lara Martin series. Lara is the heroine. Lara is also the underdog. She is her own worst enemy and she could be on top of the world instead of under if she didn’t have one constant companion, DOUBT.

They should create a series like that show ‘Wilfred’ because doubt gets me into trouble more than anything. Fear is no problem. I can face my fears all day long but doubt always wins. I can spend every ounce of my courage doing something I think is great and one word can bring it all down or in my case, no words. My mother is a big fan of ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’. When I do something or say something she doesn’t approve of, she doesn’t comment. I thought this trait was unique to my mother but I have several people in my life that do this. What is that? Where did they learn this? Do they not know by not saying anything they’re saying everything?

Doubt holds me back. Doubt undercuts my courage and doubt prevents me from truly going forward. No matter how many steps I take in one direction, I find myself doubting the destination. Is this where I need to be? Is this the right path? I really feel doubt is sinful. It makes me stop believing in myself.

There is no question in my mind that the past few years have been for a purpose. I don’t know what that purpose is fully but I got a glimpse of it the other day when I found my biological family. Things had to happen the way they did. Every step I’ve taken these last years have led me here, to be here at this exact time and this exact place or it wouldn’t have happened! I know that.

Personally, I think it would have been okay of God missed a couple of steps for me along the way. I didn’t need to go through ALL that……..but then again, maybe I did.

Doubt is a five letter word I can do without. My new five letter word is FAITH.

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